Guild Trip - Part 4: The Creation "Museum"

While we were on our trip, we discovered that we were only 225km away from the infamous Creationism Museum, which we thought definitely merited a visit, so we decided to leave a day early and head there on the way to back to Toronto, with our evil godless friend Garry, who squee'd like a fangirl when we arrived in the parking lot.  Literally.

For people who don't know, the Creationism "Museum" was cooked up by a couple of crazy religious types who unfortunately happen to be Australian (Queenslanders even).  Apparently the market for crazy religious crap isn't as big there due to the small population, so they made it all the way to the USA where they decided to open a huge "museum", dedicated to teaching young earth creationism to the general public.  Young earth creationism is based on the premise that the bible says that the world was created in 6 days and the earth is less than 6,000 years old, and therefore these things are true.  Carbon dating of fossils is altered by Satan to trick people into disbelieving god.  And dinosaurs and people co-existed in the Garden of Eden.  Now you can see why we wanted to visit!  If you're interested in a full run-down on the many and detailed hilarities and inaccuracies of the "museum", there's detailed report and a photo tour of the place that say it all a lot better than I can.  I have a few photos to share though.

By the way, please don't bother reading this post if you're going to be offended by it or try to argue with me about it.  Save yourself the offence by closing your browser, and I'm not interested in an argument on the topic - let's just agree to disagree on this :)

I did have a slight moral dilemma about giving money (my $25 entry cost) to a bunch of crazy fundamentalist nutjobs.  In the end, I figured that if they have $27 million to build the place, my $25 isn't really going to do much more.  (See?  Atheist moral relativism at work!)  

I was also slightly concerned by the armed, uniformed security detail wandering around the perimeter.  Perhaps they would find out that we weren't in fact christians and shoot us?!  Don't worry - we were very well-behaved.  (After all, there is a pretty significant overlap between crazy religious fundamentalists and crazy right-to-bear-arms fundamentalists, and people only ever behave nicely because of the threat of punishment.  Or so I hear.)  

It was actually pretty easy to keep a straight face inside - I found it more saddening and upsetting than amusing.  Firstly because people actually believe this stuff despite amazing amounts of evidence to the contrary, and secondly that people present it to other people (including children) as the truth that must be accepted.  

Anyway, moving right along to the photos.  They don't teach you this in school, boys and girls!  Why ever not?!

The place started with the suggestion that the whole issue between scientists and creationists is just that they have a different starting point - human reasoning vs the bible.  It talks about the 7 Cs of creationism, which essentially boils down to the world being created, Adam and Eve being chucked out of the Garden of Eden, Noah building an ark to escape a giant flood, and now here we are today.  The photos are out of order from the path dictated by the physical layout of the building, but it makes more sense to show them this way, if you weren't actually there.  Sadly, I don't have enough photos to tell the full story of the place, but here's a taster from what I have.

So in the beginning, the world was created in 6 days, and god chilled out on the 7th day.  On the 6th day, he created the dinosaurs, right before he created Adam and Eve.  In case you're wondering, back in the Garden of Eden, all animals were herbivores, including the dinosaurs.  Yes, that's a dinosaur eating a pineapple.  NOM NOM NOM.

Before Adam's sin - vegan dinosaurs nomming on pineapples.  After Adam's sin, they could finally put those sharp canine teeth, front facing eyes and smaller, agile bodies to good use.  Lucky they had those!

So Adam was chilling out in the garden with the dinosaurs and the antelope and the penguins.  I'm hoping that there weren't too many fallen trees or rocks around, because that poor penguin would have a pretty awful time trying to get around.  

Adam and Eve seemed to have a pretty sweet time in the Garden of Eden... until the nasty serpent rocked up to taunt them about the apples.  Note that despite not being cursed to crawl along the ground quite yet, the serpent's already slithering around armless.  They can't even be consistent with their own plot ;)  

So after this, Adam and Eve ate the apple, etc.  And bad stuff happened.  And then apparently not much happened until Noah rocked up.  

Apparently the ark didn't need to be huge, because it only took 2 of each "kind" of animal.  Which is totally not a genus.  Apparently the different animals that exist now evolved due to natural selection!  So they only needed to take two "equines" (which they specified were smaller than today's horses), two "cats" and two "dogs", and different breeds evolved from there.  Two dinosaurs too!  Yes, there were dinosaurs on the ark.  The rest of them were apparently killed in the "Great Flood".  

So this leads all of the way to modern times... 

Apparently the evil dirty atheists aren't the only bad ones!  The church is bad and evil too, for compromising the bible.  And this leads us to...

Today, where the christians are apparently persecuted for their beliefs, and the atheists run around murdering babies.  Nothing says the downfall of good christian values in modern hedonistic society like a bit of spraypaint graffiti!

Like... whatever.

The funniest part of their creation-myth-to-modern-times history was a sign discussing how inbreeding wasn't a problem in biblical times, because the human genome was perfect then (obviously it had to be, because god created it).  Over time, there have been mutations in the genetic code, which is how we have modern diseases, and that's why inbreeding is no longer ok.  I have to take my hat off to that explanation - it's simultaneously absolutely batshit insane and sounds vaguely scientific enough and (mis)uses enough scientific concepts to sound convincing, if you don't know how genetics works.  

After from the animatronic creation myth story, there wasn't much of the "museum" left.  

This was actually at the start of the tour - a discussion of how creationism and science are both valid viewpoints - just different ways of interpreting the available evidence.  Apparently the fossil record was mostly laid down at the same time when the vast majority of the dinosaurs were killed and buried in the "Great Flood" (the ones that didn't make it onto the ark).  There were random dinosaur models hanging around everywhere throughout the "museum" - it was somewhat hilarious and made you feel like you were on the set of Jurassic Park.

Same apes and humans?  You decide.  Note the evolution of animals, but the straight line at the very right hand side of the right image showing that humans are unchanged over time.  Except for those mutations that stop us inbreeding.  Hmm.

One of the more devious things was the rewriting of the geological time periods - because the earth is only 6,000 years old, Tyrannosaurus Rex couldn't have lived 65 million years ago.  So they kept the basic structure and the period names, but altered the times that they referred to to fit in with creationist timelines.  Apparently the Ceratosaurus lived in the Upper Jurassic Period - around 2,348BC!

From what I've seen on the internet, the "museum" used to include a lot more hilarious stuff, like dinosaurs handing tools to people, people riding dinosaurs, and coloring in books of Jesus riding a dinosaur.  (Or that might just be hilarious internet memes.  I can never remember.)  The only rideable dinosaur we found was this one:

Unfortunately Garry wasn't allowed to ride it because it was for children only.  Disappointed!

Garry did however give even more money to the evil creationists, buying himself an awesome shirt.  In case you can't see the picture clearly, it has a picture of T-Rex on it, saying "On the 6th Day, God created Dinosaurs!"  Here he is, hugging a (clearly pre-Garden of Eden vegetarian) dinosaur.

On the whole, the trip was worthwhile, if only to get a view into the mind of religious fundamentalism - it's a scary, scary place when you stop to think that people who believe this sort of stuff can vote, make political decisions, and become medical doctors.  As we were leaving, we saw a sign that advertised their newest project - apparently they're recreating Noah's ark to be giant theme park, and they're looking for donations!  For $100 you can buy a wooden peg, for $1,000 you can buy a plank, and for $5,000 you can buy a beam!  They even had credit card readers right there, waiting to take your payment.  According to their internet site, they're just over $20 million shy of their $24.5 million goal.  I can't tell if it would be more hilarious if they did or didn't get enough money.  

Guild Trip - Part 3: Natural Bridge Park and Louisville

A week is a large proportion of our available leave from work, so we were determined to make the most of our time away - and to tell the truth, we aren't really the hanging-around-on-a-ranch-relaxing-for-a-week types.  So while we were away, we visited nearby Kentucky, to see what was happening.

Here we are on Main St USA, on our way out of Indiana.  I was amazed to find that every town had a Main St - I thought it was just a political phrase.  Americans never want you to forget which country you're in - by the way.

Paoli, IN, had a beautiful town hall right in the middle of a huge roundabout ("rotary").  We were suitably impressed, considering how much Americans hate roundabouts.  I love the columns and the grandiose look of it almost as much as the obligatory gun outside.  Note:  American flag not pictured due to roadway and angles, but it is there.  We promise.

Most of Kentucky seemed to look like this - whereas Indiana and Ohio had more trees and hills, Kentucky was flat flat flat and covered alternately in horse pastures and cornfields, with the occasional tobacco field thrown in for good measure.  On the day we went there, it was around 35 degrees C and fairly humid.

After a short 3 hours in the car and a stop for a delicious BBQ Burger (Americans make the BEST food), we arrived at our destination - Natural Bridge State Resort Park, home to the Natural Bridge - a 24m long, 20m high sandstone arch.  As Wikipedia tells us, the arch formed naturally over millions of years.  (Unless you've been to the nearby Creation Museum, in which case it is probably a relic of Noah's flood.  See Part 4 for details!)  Here's Stephen next to half of it, after a 6km hike in jeans in 35 degree humid weather :P

The full arch from lower on the trail.  It was really beautiful.

Stephen's best impression of being a mime, in a rock chimney up the side of the arch.  We were feeling quite Indiana Jones-esque by this point.  We climbed up through this rock tunnel and up a flight of stairs, to get to the top of the arch, which you could walk across.

"Vicki, why do you want me to stand closer to the edge?  And why are you running towards me grinning maniacally?!"
I find it hilarious that in America, the land of litigation, there is a 20m high rock arch that you can walk across the top of that has absolutely no railings at all.

Chairlifts - the bane of my existence.  Yes, we climbed up this high.  Yes, it was hot and humid.  Yes, we are slightly crazy.  I was still happier to walk up.

The arch, from the other side of the ridge.  Check out how green and leafy the forest is!  Beautiful! :)

Crazy trees - the rock seems to have been eaten away around this tree's roots.

We were hoping to see a bear while we were there - partially because we haven't seen one, and partially because I thought it would be deliciously ironic if Stephen (whose WoW avatar spends most of his time as a bear) was mauled by a bear on a WoW Guild trip.  Well... a little bit funny at least.  The real problem is that he can run away faster than I can, so he would probably have the last laugh.

We did find a bear after all - just not quite the type we were hoping for.  Note the uncanny resemblance!

We took another (shorter) day trip while we were there, to Louisville, which is a town on the border of Kentucky and Indiana.  From the outside, the city looked very similar to Brisbane, but once we got into the town, the decay was fairly evident.  It looked like the town had had some money at one point, but a lot of the city was in a disrepair.  We were there for 2 reasons that had nothing to do with America's urban decay, however - Kentucky BBQ meat and the world's largest baseball bat.

Before our BBQ meat arrived, our waitress suggested that we try the deep-fried pickles with ranch sauce.  I don't want to know how many calories were in them, but they were surprisingly delicious.  Curse you Americans and your obsession with deep-frying foods!  (Apologies for the dodgy photo - camera phone.)

We had a tasty slow-cooked pulled pork sandwich with the ubiquitous fries and BBQ corn.  It was delicious, particularly when coupled with the one of the many varieties of tasty sweet BBQ sauce that was on the table.  And this entire meal (plus the 1L glass of soft drink, not pictured), cost $8.  Hooray for America! :)

Last, but not least - here is Stephen with a 36m high replica of the Louisville Slugger (baseball bat used by Babe Ruth).  Sorry Australia, but this kicks the ass of the Big Pineapple and the Big Banana.

Prior to this was Part 1, covering the ranch and its surroundings, and Part 2, containing photos of people that you probably don't know doing things that you almost certainly don't care about.  Coming soon:  Part 4, covering our side trip to the Creation Museum.  (Yes, really.)  

Guild Trip - Part 2: People Doing Things™

You can skip this post if you're not part of the guild, as it will only contain photos of people you don't know doing things that you don't care about.

Rampduck, Leoroxx  and Rundvelt enjoying a few quiet beers and a bit of religious or political debate on the verandah.  (I don't actually know what they were talking about at this exact time, but I am fairly confident in my assertion, based on the discussions I heard throughout the week.)  That bottle of Jack Daniels on the table didn't last long, either.

The frenetic pace of life on the ranch was too much for poor young Leo.  How he slept through the noisy board game rules arguments is beyond me.  In his defense, I think most of the attendees spent at least part of each day sleeping, before drinking and playing Rock Band late into the evening.

Some guildies decided to take advantage of some of the beautiful weather to play a spot of croquet.  From memory, I heard that the game was still going on 4 hours later - Wii Croquet really doesn't prepare you for the real thing guys!

Dom shows off perfect croquet form.  You can tell that he's serious, because he even put his beer down.

Shtanky and Kaihlann throw some horseshoes.  Reigning Canadian Champion Stephen (who won the only game he has ever played on beginner's luck 2 months ago) chose to remain undefeated by hiding whenever horseshoes was mentioned.  Still undefeated!

Rampduck's expression suggests that he was trying to do some work before Rundvelt and Stuie arrived to debate auction house strategies.  Good work guys - bringing work on a guild vacation is a no-no.

The top level of the gym was mostly empty except for a giant projector screen, which we promptly turned into a huge concert hall for the purposes of playing copious amounts of Rock Band.  The setup allowed for 2 vocalists (lead and backup), two guitars (lead and bass) and a drummer.  With over 700 songs to choose from, we seriously rocked out.

Pasiphae wowed us all with her Queen, AC/DC and Black Sabbath vocal talents.  Also, she sounds exactly like GLaDOS.

Khazak takes on the drums - not pictured, the giant jar (as in, pasta sauce-style jar) of alcohol that he walked around with the entire time.  I still don't know why a cup wasn't sufficient.

Moozipan (the owner of the Rock Band ensemble) shows off his impressive vocal talents.  A-Ha's Take On Me seemed to be the crowd favourite, although no one quite knows how he hit those high notes.

The setup, from the performers' viewpoint.  The railing was in a rather inconvenient place for the drummer, but otherwise it was the most awesome Rock Band setup imaginable.

Peeps hanging around in the kitchen waiting for breakfast.  I am not sure what is up with Emoras in this photo - perhaps a few too many drinks the night before.

Prior to this was Part 1, which covered the venue and surrounds, and over the next few days I'll put up Part 3 and Part 4, which cover Stephen and my sidetrips in the local area.  

Guild Trip - Part 1: The Venue

Since moving to Canada, we've joined a new guild (group of people) in World of Warcraft, many of whom are based in Toronto.  This has been brilliant and we have met lots of awesome friends this way.  This guild has an awesome organisational team, who found and rented an entire ranch in southern Indiana for 19 guild members from all over the USA and Canada to hang out in for a week.

The Toronto crowd included 6 cars, so we headed down in a big convoy for the 13 hour drive.

We knew we were in America, pretty quickly.

4 of the cars in front of us.  The bikes on the roof saved us all at multiple points when we got lost and couldn't see the others - 6 car convoys are pretty tough to maintain.  In true Canadian style, our guildmates drove bare metres apart, and very rarely less than 15kph over the speed limit - Canadian driving is slightly terrifying to me :)  Apparently there isn't a whole lot of speed enforcement - despite driving the whole way well above the speed limit, no one was fined or ticketed and the police we saw didn't even look interested in the people driving much faster than we were.

Nervous meetings - the Toronto-based people all knew each other, but some of the other guildies from the USA hadn't met others before in person (although we've spoken to them and done things together in-game for months).  Amusingly, people are much the same online as offline, and it didn't take long to adjust to the voices coming from that person rather than their avatar representation.

Cars parked outside the ranch.  The ranch was huge, and could have easily slept many more than the 19 people we had.  It had the main building with communal areas, an industrial kitchen, a gym, and some sleeping space, plus another two smaller buildings with additional sleeping space.  We stayed in the smallest building, which was a couple of minutes walk away from the bigger buildings - this came in very handy being as we are old and boring (despite being a similar age to most other guildies) and like to sleep for 10 hours a night.

The other sleeping building, colloquially the couples' building.  I heard rumors that the wooden construction was designed in such a way as to make the entire house creak and groan loudly any time anyone moved - not quite the romantic retreat after all :P

Part of the communal space - couches for reading or chatting, tables for gaming, and a giant bar.  The couches are also facing a big tv, which saw some Gamecube use.  

 Being a group of nerds, there was a lot of board gaming happening - the pool table was quickly converted into an epic board game table, and many debates over the rules were heard day and night.  Sadly for me, I only got to play ONE game of Ticket to Ride.  Woe.

The ranch also contained vineyards, 9 holes of golf, fields of soy beans, and supposedly some elk, although we didn't see (or taste) those.  The weather was fairly nice - 30-32 degrees most days and probably around 60% humidity.  Apparently it was a bit too warm for our Canadian friends, because most people spent most of their time in the air conditioned main building (which was so cold that I had to wear a jumper).

Being a ranch, there was plenty of kitschy decor around.

To be continued in Part 2 (imaginatively labelled "People Doing Things"), and Part 3 and Part 4 which cover Stephen and my sidetrips in the local area.